Here’s how to navigate and conquer the quarter life crisis (Or at least attempt to)
Okay…I did NOT expect to be sitting down here right now to write an article about the unnerving weight of experiencing a quarter life crisis…but here I am!
Now I should preface this with the fact that I’m not actually sitting down at my desk, working hard, focused, and dressed for success (as I’m sure we often imagine one another to be when we perform our “work duties”) but truthfully, I’m lying in bed in my pajamas. My kitten is lying at my feet. I’m typing this article on my phone in a Google doc because I can’t sleep due to the constant dread I’ve been feeling lately…and it’s 12:50 am…on a Friday night…technically Saturday now…
I feel like young twenty-year-olds should be out on the town at this time. But then again, maybe that’s the quarter life crisis talking.
What is a Quarter Life Crisis?
As I began navigating the strange territory of the Quarter Life Crisis, I couldn’t help but search the term on Pinterest, looking for others who understood this experience the way I do. And I found this quote:
“A quarter-life crisis comes about when you’re faced with the reality that your life is not what you thought it was going to be. It’s an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence. You’re faced with the feeling that maybe you’re not being true to who you are, but you’re not quite sure who you’re supposed to be, either.”
-Tess Brigham
The last part is the part that gets me. I keep wondering if I’m not being who I truly am. I don’t think I’m the woman my younger self imagined. Does that mean that I’m not on the right track? Am I disconnected from my higher self? And worse, I’m not quite sure what or who else I’m supposed to be…who do I want to be? What is my purpose?
If you’re feeling this way, don’t worry. You are not alone.
So, today I decided to sit down (metaphorically speaking) and give you twenty-three ideas for navigating a quarter life crisis. Some of these tips I’ve tried. And others, I haven’t. But that doesn’t mean they can’t help.
Hopefully, these ideas spark something in you. We can’t quite “will” the feeling to go away, but that doesn’t mean the quarter life crisis needs to be so challenging either!
What to focus on if you’re having a Quarter Life Crisis
1 ) Take a step back and breathe
This first tip may sound silly, but oh gosh, is it worth it. When you feel that existential dread coming on and you know you’re about to spiral into an episode of your quarter life crisis, it can be insanely beneficial just to take a step back from your current situation and breathe.
Three slow, steady deep breaths—in through the nose and out the mouth. Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, and breathe out in 7 seconds. Clearing your mind and maybe even doing some light meditation can really help calm the nerves.
Action to take: Try the breathing exercise above or meditate for 5 mins.
2 ) Acknowledge that almost everyone feels like this at this age
This one is probably one of the hardest tips I’ve come to face. I’ll admit that as I began to feel these moments of longing for my past and fear for my future, it was hard to acknowledge that I wasn’t the only one going through these motions. Sure, many of my friends aren’t experiencing this stage of life YET, but everyone has or will likely feel this way in their 20s. It’s easy to feel lost and alone at this age. And trusting that you are not alone can help with the healing process.
Action to take: Look for testimonials and blog posts online about others going through the same thing. This blog post counts! So, you’re already making progress!
I also recommend listening to Quarter Life Crisis by Taylor Bickett
Or, listen to one of Lavendaire’s talks on YouTube about advice for conquering your 20s!
3 ) Stop the comparison
One of the most prominent components of a quarter life crisis is comparison. Especially with so much of our lives being put on social media, it’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game. We look to our peers and see other people our age buying homes, getting married, traveling the world, landing their dream jobs, etc., and it’s easy to feel like we haven’t achieved nearly as much.
The thing is, everyone lives and grows at their own pace. Each life is unique and filled with experiences that shape you into YOU. No two journeys look the same! Try to remember that your achievements, goals, and progress will be different from others. And that’s okay!
Action to take: Do a social media detox or take a break from the online world for a bit. Pull out a journal and write a gratitude list of all the things you’ve achieved in your life thus far or even just the things you’ve done since you were 16. This can really help you feel motivated and recognize all the progress you made in life.
Here’s an example from me:
- I am grateful for getting my driver’s license because it gave me the freedom and independence to try things I enjoy, like going to my favorite restaurant with my friends.
- I am grateful for graduating high school and for moving on to the next great adventure in life.
- I am grateful that I got to experience college life, even if I was only able to be enrolled for one year. I am thankful for the experience.
- I am grateful that I could start a blog and write about things I’m passionate about. It was the first step on my professional writing journey, and I am proud of my accomplishments with it.
You get the idea (; I highly recommend writing a list like this of your own with more things you’re grateful for and in more detail than what I wrote here!
4 ) Revamp your resume
When you’re in your 20s, seemingly everything comes back to your career. After all, we’re told that this is the most important time to get our careers rolling.
I’ll be honest; I have some qualms about this. I personally believe most career success happens later in life. I also believe that it’s OKAY if you don’t know exactly how you want to spend your life when you’re 20 years old. I think this is a time of exploration and getting to know yourself in a new way.
Still, it can’t hurt to tweak your resume to help conquer any imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and uneasiness that may be stirring due to your quarter life crisis.
Action to take: Tweak your resume. Seek out a mentor, an educational adviser, or an online resume professional to help you nail your resume. Or, just update it a little bit! It can’t hurt!
5 ) Figure out what you love to do
This one is easier said than done. I’m actually going to alter a rather iconic phrase to best explain why:
Some people are born knowing what they love and want to do with the rest of their lives.
Others achieve the ability to do something they love after many years of searching and trying new things.
And still, some people have their dreams thrust upon them, not knowing at first that this is what they love doing, but realizing in time that it was meant to be.
Obviously, this is not the original quote, but I think it makes sense.
I am one of the people that exist in the first category. Sure, I wasn’t “born” knowing I wanted to be a writer. But I figured out that that was my career goal when I was seven years old in the second grade. So, I feel like it’s not far-fetched to say that I was “born knowing what I wanted to do.”
But not everyone is like that. Some people have to try many jobs in many different fields before they know. And others, as mentioned above, get handed an opportunity that they didn’t realize they would one day adore.
Everything works itself out in the end, but if you’re feeling lost and confused in your 20s, I’d recommend trying to narrow down the things you love doing first and then see how that can help you in your career.
Action to take: Have you ever heard of the ikigai test? I have an article with an example of it here. Try using this exercise to figure out what you love.
Or, use some journal prompts from my prompts page to answer some questions about yourself to better know who you are at your core.
6 ) Write about your dream life
So, one of the odd techniques that have helped me tremendously in this process is writing about my dream life. Whether you call it manifestation, visualization, or scripting, there’s something almost magical and transformative about writing about your dream life.
I’ve found it helps to write about the life you want at first. Write with phrases like “I desire,” “life would be great if,” and “I want.”
Then, write another paragraph about your dream life, but this time, write as if you’ve already achieved it. Write with phrases like “I have,” “life is amazing because,” and “I’m grateful for.”
This works because we are our thoughts. What we think, we become. If you think your life is perfect and you have everything you’ve ever wanted, eventually, you will believe that. And of course, this works in the negative as well.
Action to take: Try the exercise mentioned above.
7 ) Maybe try keeping a journal
It’s no surprise that this tip is on this post. Though maybe it comes a shocker that I waited until #7 to mention it!
Journaling has helped me so much in my personal evolution. I have grown spiritually, mentally, and emotionally in the past few years since taking the time to sit down and write about my life. The self-reflection involved in journaling is highly transformative and truly reshapes how we perceive this life.
Action to take: If you want free journal prompts or journal inspo, I have plenty of resources for you!
- Check out my 100 free journal prompts by joining my newsletter!
- Or, go to my journal prompts page on my blog
- Read a post I wrote about journaling and how to get into it
- Find me on YouTube where I talk about journaling and more!
- Or, head over to my Pinterest page for so many journal ideas and inspirational posts that you’ll be busy for hours!
8 ) Talk to somebody
This one is quite simple and straightforward. Talk it out. Find a trusted friend, family member, or partner and talk about what’s going on. Just venting to someone who understands you can help a lot. It makes you feel seen and allows you to get all of the emotions off of your chest. This is also a great alternative for people who don’t love journaling or have a hard time getting their thoughts on paper.
Action to take: Talk to someone about what’s going on.
9 ) I like to consult the Tarot and the astrology
Okay, this one may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but truthfully, this is what I do. This is one of the main ways I have been getting through this odd quarter life crisis phase.
I love consulting my tarot decks about the situation to gain further insight, stimulate self-reflection, garner advice, and receive a new perspective on my situation. Tarot took a while to learn, but now it’s one of my favorite activities and an integral part of my personal, spiritual practice.
If you want to see some tarot content, you can find some here.
I also love consulting the astrology of my situation. Right now, Pluto just crossed my ascendant a year or so ago and is still in my rising sign, Capricorn. Therefore, I still feel its influence. Knowing this transit has helped me to feel more at peace with the chaotic amount of endings and new beginnings that keep coming my way.
But also, everyone experiences a Saturn return at 27. This is likely when the quarter life crisis really hits its apex. Saturn is the planet of structure, challenge, discipline, and harsh lessons. So, when it “returns,” it brings a lot of disruption with it. Just knowing the astrology brings peace to me, but there’s also a lot of advice and understanding that can be gained from this information.
Action to take: If you want, look into astrology and tarot. Both are amazing for gaining insight, though they do take quite a while to learn.
10 ) Look for something to believe in
This one may be one of the most challenging tips on the list. I know that sounds silly, but it can be difficult to get solid on your belief system (whatever it may be). Whether you’re attempting to work out your spiritual/religious beliefs, personal morals or code of conduct, or certain aspirations you hold for yourself, it can take YEARS to formulate these ideas. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start now!
Action to take: Pull out your journal and write down a few things you hold closely to your heart. What do you believe in? What do you think about when I ask that question?
11 ) Change up your diet just because you can
One of the actions that changed my life the most was changing up my diet. Oddly enough, when I ate healthier, my whole life seemed to go smoother with fewer challenges. And now that I’ve fallen back on some of my eating habits, things are getting…tough…
Now, sure, this could be just a coincidence. Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that when I ate better, I felt better, and that good energy attracted good energy back to me. Like attracts like. I’m not sure, but it can’t hurt to start new dietary habits.
Action to take: Cut out something bad from your diet (like excessive sugar or soda). Take it a step further and look into what goes into your food. Learn how to read the food labels like a pro.
12 ) Get outside more
Another simple tip to conquer the dreaded quarter life crisis: get outside. I don’t even think this needs much more commentary…just do it and thank yourself layer (:
Action to take: You know what to do.
13 ) Exercise
Honestly, I should adhere to this one more. Keeping a steady workout routine is something I’ve NEVER been good at. I get into one, and then I fall out of the habit. Over and over and over again.
But it is something on my to-do list. And after talking to a few people about my quarter life crisis, this was one of the suggestions that kept popping up.
Action to take: Start an exercise program. Hit the gym. Or follow along with workouts on YouTube. I love MadFit!
14 ) Experience new things
One thing I’ve been lacking is having new experiences. I think it’s easy in your twenties to get too comfortable. You get too bogged down with work, focusing on paying the bills, maybe heading to the bars on the weekend, chilling at home and watching Netflix, etc. it’s sooooo easy as a twenty-something to get sucked into a routine and never diverge from it.
Perhaps that’s why there’s so much nostalgia for our youth when we’re having the QLC. We reminisce on all of the good times we had when we did something exciting. And our current lives LACK that excitement. Maybe what’s needed is to seek out a new adventure…
Action to take: Go tackle something on your bucket list. And if you don’t have a bucket list, make one! Then pick something to try from that list.
15 ) Write a letter to your younger self
The quarter life crisis is based in two distinct feelings: nostalgia, and fear of the future.
The crisis comes because we realize we’re finally adults and life is no longer how it used to be. Not only that, but we begin comparing ourselves to our peers.
To tackle the first part, it’s important to unpack the nostalgia. Do you really want to go back to that time in your life? Or is there something there you’re missing in your everyday life now? For me, it was the second statement. I was/and still am nostalgic for how imaginative, creative, and spiritual I used to be. It feels like life sort of beat me down and tried to stick me in some sort of mold. And I almost let it…
So, to conquer the nostalgia and address what I’ve been feeling, I wrote a letter to my younger self. I told her all the things I admired about her and all the things she’d probably be proud of me for.
Action to take: Write a letter to your younger self.
16 ) Write a letter to your future self
Just as tip 15 can help you conquer a part of the quarter life crisis, so too can this tip.
Remember how I said that part of the QLC is the fear of the future and comparing yourself to your peers? It’s easy to feel like you aren’t making good progress or aren’t where you’re supposed to be. But the thing is, everyone’s journey is unique. No two paths look the same. And that’s how it’s SUPPOSED to be.
Write a letter to your future self and ask them if they’ve achieved what you currently desire/want. You can even date and save the letter somewhere to open it up later. An easy way to remember it is to digitize the letter in a photo or pdf. Save it to a hard drive or to your Google drive. Then, add a reminder in your phone for one or two, or three years down the line. So long as you get the same SIM card, you should get a notification reminder in the future.
Action to take: Write a letter to your future self.
17 ) Volunteer at a place/community you’ve always wanted to be a part of
It’s said that people often find true happiness when they spread joy to others. That giving to others can help you heal, in turn. I have yet to volunteer somewhere, but it’s certainly been on my mind. And apparently, it’s a great way to conquer the QLC.
Action to take: Check around your local community and see if there’s somewhere you can volunteer.
18 ) Step away from social media for awhile
This is one that I have not done but desperately need to. Social media is a killer. It drains us. And it brings about a lot of self doubt and anxiety. We all know this. And yet, it’s so captivating, isn’t it?
I don’t see a lot of my high school peers on my feed anymore, so I don’t actively compare myself to them. Instead, I compare myself to my immediate friends and random celebrities online. As you can imagine, I’m always left feeling sort of devastated and resentful afterwards.
Cutting back social media use is one of those things that’s almost necessary to do a few times each year…like cleaning your oven…
Action to take: Set app limits for certain apps. Or, completely delete apps off your phone for a while. Step back from the feed.
19 ) Revamp your wardrobe
I’m telling you, this is probably one of my favorite tips on the list! Revamping my wardrobe helped me literally disconnect from who I was and transform myself into who I want to be.
For the past year, I’ve been exploring my personal style and thrifting/giving away clothing at least once each month. I’ve now curated a more mature wardrobe that feels more like me. Gone are the days of sweatshirts and leggings (for the most part). Now, I have dresses, skirts, sun and moon motifs, jewelry, and pastel colors that feel very ME!
Now, your wardrobe doesn’t have to look like mine. And if you love your comfy attire, there’s no need to change it. But playing around with different aesthetics and colors can help you focus on who you are right now and really own that part of you.
Action to take: Wear new things. Try on a unique look and play around with your style.
20 ) Practice mindfulness
Another simple and straightforward suggestion is to practice mindfulness. Okay…maybe it’s not THAT simple and straightforward… Mindfulness is a practice and one that you have to work on daily. But being cognizant of your thoughts and actions can help you feel more sure-footed and abundant in life. The mind is extremely powerful, and when we nurture it with love or focus on positivity, we can oftentimes overcome negative situations.
Action to take: Read books like Emotional Agility by Susan David or Atomic Habits by James Clear. Attempt to meditate or practice other forms of mindfulness. I also have plenty of tips on my Youtube channel and blog to help you get started!
21 ) Focus on your career but don’t push yourself too hard
You don’t have to know who you want to be in your twenties. Heck, you don’t even have to imagine yourself in one career for your whole life. The world isn’t like that anymore. You can be whoever you want to be (for the most part). And you can change your mind at any time.
Now IS a good time to think about your career and where you want to be in the next five or ten years. But don’t push yourself. Everything will come as it’s meant to and you shouldn’t compare your journey to another’s. Value what you have now. And keep exploring.
Action to take: Write or talk to someone about your dream career. Is it in line with the dream life you made up a few tips ago? What do you want to be doing? Will it make you happy? Or, will it at least make you enough money so that you can support yourself and spend your free time doing what you love? I feel like people don’t talk about this much. Your career doesn’t HAVE to be your purpose. It doesn’t even have to be your one THING. It just needs to be able to support you so that you can do your THING—whatever it is that truly makes you happy.
22 ) Reflect on how far you’ve come
This is a big one. As a twenty-something, you’ve lived two decades filled with experiences of all sorts. If you haven’t already, now is the time to reflect. Look back on all that you’ve achieved. You don’t have to be 60 years old to have a bit of self-reflection. Do it now. How far have you come?
Action to take: Answer the last question above.
23 ) Express gratitude
If you want to bring more joy into your life, you can’t go wrong with expressing gratitude. What are you grateful for? What brings you peace of mind? The quarter life crisis may not disappear overnight. And I suppose you can’t just “gratitude” it away. But writing down what your grateful for can truly hone your perspective and invite more positivity into your life.
Action to take: Write a gratitude list.