Whether you’re a beginner in the personal development space or a veteran looking for some unique mindsets to encourage growth, this article will cover exactly what you need to know regarding mindsets that are holding you back from success.
Disclaimer: All of the views and opinions in this post are solely my own and are not sponsored. This post may include affiliate links, meaning I earn a commission through links at no cost to you.
While I still consider myself a newbie in the personal development community, I have to admit that there are a few patterns I’ve noticed within this space that have, you might say, “triggered” me.
I do NOT encourage my readers to simply “think positive,” “adopt a happiness mindset,” or to shut out negative emotions whatsoever. I think negative emotions and experiences are essential to growth and, therefore, should not be shoved down or overlooked.
This article will offer the top eight mindsets holding you back from success and personal growth. None of these mindsets revolve around happiness and instead capture the negative thoughts and sentiments we tell ourselves when we experience failure, disappointment, or grief.
You think you need to have money to start learning
The first mindset is simple and often overlooked. But the simple truth is that many people think they need to have a sum of money to begin learning and “investing” in their personal growth.
Things like:
- Books on personal development
- Success building seminars
- Online courses
- Therapy
- Guided meditation
- And mentorship
All seem to require some financial agreement upfront. This is simply not true.
When I jumped into the personal development community, I did so for free. I’ll list some of my favorite resources below to help you begin your journey without spending a penny.
- Lavendaire on youtube is a great place to start if you want to begin the personal development journey.
- If you get a library card or have one already, you can download Libby and borrow and read library books FOR FREE on your phone or kindle!
- I have 100 journal prompts for free on my site that you can get just by signing up to my email list.
- I also have a ton of free journal prompts on my site as well that you can use to guide your journaling.
- If you need more inspiration, Pinterest is a fantastic resource! Type in “journal prompts,” “productivity,” “personal growth,” or “personal development” in the search bar and get reading! There’s tons of free content on there!
- There are also some incredible podcasts in this space that you can listen to for inspo and advice!
You are afraid of being disappointed
A big issue people struggle with when trying to start their personal development journey is the fear of disappointment. People struggle to advance or grow in fear that they will be seen as failures either by others or themselves.
The thing is, failure is normal. It’s not unusual to not “get” something on the first try. What you have to understand is that failure is not a setback. It’s a chance for redemption. It’s a learning opportunity.
If you don’t see growth, take a step back. Analyze your situation. I think many reasons people experience disappointment when embarking on a personal journey is simply that their end goal isn’t realistic or measurable.
All too often, people set this goal for themselves: I want to be happy.
The thing is, this goal is too superficial. Happiness is a feeling, and feelings are fleeting. Feelings, emotions, and moods come and go as we walk through life. Sure, happiness is a lovely feeling, but we cannot be happy all the time.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes about happiness that might encourage you to change your end goal.
“All sunshine and no rain makes a desert”
- Arab Proverb
If you are happy all the time, you will never experience love or excitement, or pure joy. Why? Because without sadness, how can we know what “happy” is? How can we feel more complex emotions?
If you’re hesitating to accept this sentiment, I encourage you to watch Pixar’s Inside Out. Really.
Instead of aiming for happiness, I challenge you to aim for something more concrete. Here are a few examples:
- I want to read two books a month.
- I want to practice speaking in my target language three times a week.
- I want to feel confident in my body.
- I want to become more confident in public speaking.
- I want to meditate more often.
Not all of these examples have to be concrete, though I highly encourage that they are. This way, they will become more measurable. Check out my blog post on setting actionable goals if you want a more in-depth look into this.
You doubt yourself
Like those who fear disappointment, doubt is often a grave killer on one’s journey to betterment. Doubt is the food of fear and the killer of dreams. When we lack confidence and doubt our abilities to succeed, we tend to give up and throw in the towel.
While I don’t have very much advice for gaining confidence at the moment, I have discovered that the more you do something, the more confident you become with that task. For example, if you doubt your public speaking skills, you should try to perform public speaking more often. Over time, you will hone your skills and gain more confidence.
Of course, this is much harder than it sounds. Unfortunately, I don’t yet have content or experience with gaining confidence. I can, however, refer you to my article on imposter syndrome. While they are not the same, one’s inability to be confident with themselves could be a side effect of a type of imposter syndrome called “the expert,” a term coined by Dr. Valerie Young in her book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women.
You are comparing your journey to another’s
Oh, comparison. We all struggle with our need to compare ourselves to one another. While the act was a leftover necessity of the stone age when comparison meant revealing how to better oneself to find a mate or to stop while you’re ahead when you realize you will quickly lose the fight to that buff man over there, comparison is undoubtedly a troublesome force to fight these days.
Beautiful photos of other people bombard us, stories of the wealthy and successful, and the flaunts of those who have outdone us in every aspect of our lives. The simple truth is that jealousy and self-hatred are not far behind, and we have very few ways of separating ourselves from the issue and moving on.
While comparison is a hard mindset to break, it’s not impossible. The solution? Get rid of all of the content that is causing you distress.
Social media detoxes are a common practice by many people and often help us gain a perspective about life. Unfortunately, social media is only a reflection of the highest highs of many people. It’s a way to celebrate success and showcase your worth. However, there is so much more happening behind the scenes in everyone’s daily lives. If you’re struggling with comparison issues or find yourself judging yourself against another person, I encourage you to take a 24-hour break from your phone. Lock it away. Hide it. Keep it out of sight.
If that isn’t possible, then save your social media passwords and delete any social media apps like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Cut back on virtual content for a weekend and do your best to jot down gratitude lists, affirmations, and reflect on what is going well for you.
You think success will just come to you
One of my least favorite thought processes is the idea that success will just fall into your lap. Perhaps I feel so strongly about this because I am, in fact, rather unlucky. (Or because a psychic once told me that I will always have to work hard for what I want in life because my soul was spoon-fed in a past life and wanted to “earn” success. Thanks a lot, soul.)
But no matter my feelings on this mindset, it remains detrimental to those with high aspirations and low self-motivation.
The simple truth is that more often than not, you have to work for what you want in life. Sure, miracles do happen, and there will be times when opportunities seem to flow to you with ease. However, it’s not healthy to assume every day will be like that.
You think the road to personal growth is too difficult to navigate
All too often, people embarking on their personal growth journey give up too soon once things become difficult. Whether they can’t find the motivation, the right materials, or don’t see the small changes they’ve made so far, people often retire back to a life that is familiar and comforting to them, even if it means ending the journey.
Ultimately, you decide why you embark on a personal growth journey. I encourage many life explorers to jot down their “why” as soon as they recognize they have begun seeking change. Whenever you are in doubt or start to feel disgruntled by the journey, come back to your why.
Here are a few examples of “why” statements you may have:
- …because I want to grow in my career.
- …because I want to pursue my passion projects.
- …because I want to love myself.
- …because I want to end the negative self-talk.
- …because I want to grow as a person and learn to understand people and situations beyond myself with a clearer lens.
- …because I want to define healthier coping strategies with my mental health.
- …because I want to learn how to give back to those around me.
- …because I want to be happy with my present self.
- …because I want to curate a life that I love to wake up to.
There are several reasons why you might begin on a personal development and growth journey. Defining your “why” is the most important step to helping you renavigate your mindsets and thought processes.
You don’t think you have the ability to change
I’ve heard it several times, whether by people beaten down by the world around them or through well-researched scientific works. For some reason, there is this idea that “people can’t really change.” Clearly, they’ve never witness Zuko’s redemption ark.
Okay, but jokes aside, it is a toxic mentality to think that you can never change your core values and self-perception. If you are struggling with identifying your ability to grow or have become stagnant in life, I encourage you to attempt a mini exercise.
The mini exercise is my take on current self vs. future self. While this exercise holds roots via other facets of the personal development community, I’ve created my own take on the topic and curated an entirely unique step-by-step process for completing the exercise in a way that is beneficial to the participants.
If you want to view this exercise, check out my blog post on current self vs. future self.
You think you need to remain positive all the time for this to work
The thing that annoys me most in the personal development space is the idea that “positivity” must be continuously maintained in order to be “happy.” For some reason, “happiness” is deemed the end goal, and “positive mindsets” are regularly thrown out at people attempting to learn how to regain confidence, control, and life satisfaction.
I do not want to become another speaker who urges you to “make happiness your goal” or “just adopt a positive mindset.” In fact, I think that having a mindset devoted to only thinking positively is toxic and lackluster. We feel negative emotions for a reason, and I believe it is important to treat all emotions similarly, attempting to learn from each of them.
If you’re interested in a lengthier discussion on this topic, I urge you to watch my youtube video about the problem with the personal development community. Even if you elect not to watch the video, however, I still think that the idea of constant positivity may be holding you back.
If you like this post, check out some similar posts of mine below!
Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know the mindsets holding you back!
You can also email me with questions or concerns you may have at info.amelia.wilson@gmail.com
My new book, Witch in the Water, is available on Amazon!
Also, check out my poetry book, The Lights are on but Nobody’s Home, available now on amazon for $6.99 in paperback form!
Disclaimer: All of the views and opinions in this post are solely my own and are not sponsored. This post includes affiliate links, meaning I earn a commission through links at no cost to you.
Thanks again